Desiigner takes being happy to another level. The rapper has never been one to shy away from showing his excitement of not only his career but his life in general. His smile that goes ear to ear and general positive attitude about life is one of the many stand out traits about the Brooklyn rapper. It’s hard to think of Desiigner being visibly sad. Every time he’s in front of a camera or out in public, he personifies positivity. In a recent interview with Snoop Dogg, he explained exactly why he’s this way.

On Snoop Dogg’s GGN News, he brought Desiigner out. While they of course spoke about music and his career over blunts and joints, Snoop later asked Desiigner where his high energy performances come from. Desiigner replies that he just wants to spread positivity and make people happy. He said there’s a reason why he smiles so much.

“The reason why Desiigner smile it came from Desiigner wanting to kill himself,” he said.

He explains that when he was younger, he was at his grandmother’s house with a few friends from South Carolina. He ended up battle rapping them and while their style of rapping varied from his, they said they were digging his style. However, he says that he didn’t see the energy as if they were really messing with what he was doing. It was a discouraging moment for Desiigner that led him into some dark thoughts.

“I’m like ‘I don’t know if I could do this music shit, man’ and this is all I know. Like all I want to do is music,” he said, “So I went home man and I said, “fuck that, I’mma kill myself.” The second I said that shit, I got scared as hell bro. I got scared because I told myself that… When I told myself that, I’m like “nah I ain’t killin’ myself.” So from there on, I always kept a smile on my face because I was like ‘Yo, I can’t. [There’s] so much more I could do. I can never kill myself, I can’t get rid of myself.”